I rarely get homesick. Very rarely. Maybe because I am so used to live far from my family. I have started live independently since I was 13, and till now, almost 10 years. But lately, the feeling of homesickness kicks me. It kicks hard.
Malam-malam sebelum tido teringat kat ibu. How hard she has worked to raise us. Banyak benda and pengorbanan yang ibu dah buat. Banyak duit ibu dah guna untuk anak-anak instead of for herself. And now, she is alone at home and has to prepare for my incoming wedding. I feel so sad, thinking that when I come back to Malaysia in December, I will only spend less than 3 weeks with them before my first priority in life changes.
Bila fikir balik, saya rasa sometimes saya ni jahat. Dulu, kecik-kecik, semua keperluan dan kehendak kita ibu & ayah akan sediakan secepat & sesempurna mungkin. Their love for us has begun even before we were born. Their love is boundless. We are their first priority. Kalau kita demam, mesti diorang sangat risau & bersengkang mata jaga kita. Minta itu ini, diorang mesti usahakan. Kalau mereka tak jaga kita betul-betul, belum tentu sekarang kita dapat nikmati hidup sampai ke hari ini; belajar kat oversea and know how big and wonderful and hard life is. No wonder we cannot pay back all that they have done for us! I promise I will take good care of them. They have taken care for me for more than I have taken care for them...
Sekarang, bila dah besar, saya rasa kadang-kadang saya ni jahat. Sebab bila ibu @ ayah mintak tolong, e.g. buatkan air, kdg2 saya cakap "kejap" or "nanti jap, tunggu iklan dulu". Huhu..sampai ayah saya tegur kitorg "Amboi..kalau nak mintak tolong, asyik kejap je... Tapi bila mintak duit, tak boleh tangguh langsung!" Hoho. Teruk betul. Dulu, waktu kecik-kecik (belum sekolah lagi), sampai pernah terfikir, ibu ngn ayah ni suka ada anak sebab nak suruh kitorang buat kerja ke? Adoi...tapi nasib baik tak cakap kt diorang, simpan dlm hati je ;p
My beloved ibu once said to me, "Nanti kamu dah jadi ibu, baru kamu tahu". I am scared now. Tak tahu sama ada nanti saya mampu menjadi ibu yang baik. Tak tahu sama ada saya akan bersedia memikul amanah yang berat tu. And for now, I just pray to Allah swt to make their life & afterlife easier and may He puts them in the same group of blessed people. I know I am not a good servant, but I hope God will not punish them for all the bad things that I have done, and put them in His heaven, ameen...
