Quick Update

Well... I know it has been ages since I last updated my blog. My life is unbelievably busy! I have never experienced such a busy life before this. Maybe now that I am married, I have more commitment and work to do, but I still have the same amount hours like other eligible bachelors out there, which is 24 and not 48 hours! As I have less time, but more work that others, I will just write a very quick and compact updates of my current life:

1. I think I have slightly gained weight. Maybe because of blissful happiness. Tipu la kalau I kata I tak kisah, kisah jugak sikit2, sampai kena tegur dgn my hubby because I always complain that I am now fat and he doesn't think that way. Anyway, what is more important is that I lead a healthy eating habit: No junk food! (but I cannot resist sweet temptations..cakes..ice-cream...yummmmy.... ;p)

2. I now have a baby. A cute, michivieous and naughty fluffy Persian kitten, named Marsha. No photo of her yet. I am still trying to find my leisure time to do all the uploading of the photos.

3. I hate the current Malaysian education system! There are still lots of conservative educators who still believe their way of teaching is the right one. Unable to open up their old minds to accept changes. Wait till I become one of the think-tankers...

4. My beloved husband and I now have our own sweet little home (thanks to my parents-in-law). It is small and simple, but it is our heaven. Bak kate seorang ustaz, kalau nak syurga di akhirat, ia bermula dengan syurga di dunia (i.e. kedamaian & keharmonian rumahtangga).

5. I still have the rights to moan about my life now. I know I made the choice to get married early, but I am still a human being. Ciptaan Allah s.w.t. yang kerdil & lemah. Those who said: "Tu la, sape suruh kawen awal". You guys just wait for your time. All I need from you guys is your support, not that kind of reply which sometimes, hurt me :(

6. I now will treat myself by going to the hair salon on a regular basis. Thanks to Hani, whom according to my hubby, : "hei..bahaya betul kawan ngan Hani ni, ajar sayang buat benda2 yg mahal!" (p/s Hani: Abul gurau je, eheh ;p)

7. For this month (March 2009), my hubby and I have spent a total of RM 10 000 ++. However, it is because of a useful invesment: buying furnitures and other essential things for our new home. However, it still doesn't change the reality that I am now quite broke!
Haha =D (p/s Suhaimi: sorry for the kaya. It will come, but later sketla ye...).

8. Marriage life is super-duper fantastic.


That's all for now. More coming later (but I don't know when. Biasalah, hidup busy skrg nih)

New Life

Finally, after a few weeks of craziness, I have the time to update my long abandoned blog. Sampai bersawang lah kan, bak kata Suhaimi. Bukannya apa...busy sangat la dik oii... Lepas kenduri tu, kelas pun start, everyday ada kelas, and weekened busy keluar ke sana ke mari. Ni pun x berapa sihat, jadi tak pergi kelas dan berehat. Alhamdullilah...

I am sure, many will ask me, 'How your new/ married life? or Apa rasa dah kahwin?'. Honestly, I don't know how to explain it. But, of course, I am happy. Truly happy and contented. If we think we are happy that we have a girl/boy friend or fiance, that happiness can't be compared with the happiness that a marriage gives us. To have your loved one besides you every day, to see his face and to hear his voice .... it's very blissful. Betapa indah dan sucinya cinta yang Tuhan ciptakan khas untuk suami isteri. Jadi, siapa2 nak bahagia camni, kahwin la cepat2, eheh ;p

Tapi, kahwin bukanlah semata-mata hendak menghalalkan percintaan yang terlarang je. It goes far beyond that. Bagi yang mentua dah sayang, alhamdulillah lah..tapi bagi yang belum, it is a challange for you, Kahwin bukan kahwin dengan si dia je, tapi dengan semua ahli keluarga si dia jugak. As for me, kahwin dengan si dia yang ada big family, memang satu cabaran, tambahan pulak tinggal sebumbung dengan ipar :)

With marriage also, comes a big responsibility. Bukan memadu cinta asmara je. Soal komitmen sudah pasti. Bagi isteri, keperluan suami mesti diutamakan. And for the husband, jangan abaikan kebajikan & keperluan isteri. Both partners have to be sensitive and tolerant. Hehe..cakap pandai je... but I am still learning. Yelah, baru nak masuk sebulan... x pakar pun lagi.. ;p
Dulu, sebelum kahwin, pukul 9 malam masih awal. Tapi sekarang...'Hah, dah pukul 9!'. Bujang dulu, hidup rilex je...rasa lapar, makan, kalau malas masak, buat yang cincai je. Sekarang, tak leh la nak buat camtu. Baju dulu pun, liat nak iron. And now, ironing is like my new hobby. TV pun dah x sempat nak tengok. Ape dah jadi dgn Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy & Desperate Housewives pun tak tau...xde masa nak tengok. Hu....
But all that can't beat the smile of my husband when he comes home from work :))

From my experience, marriage is not that hard. For Muslims, the simple akad is what we need. But as now, most of us have been affected by globalization and materialism, the simple thing becomes an almost imppossible mission. Some may think that I got married at a very young age, but the determination is what matters most. Although I still have another year to go, it does not mean that I can't manage my life better. Ape pun yang terjadi, I believe it happens for the best.

Wedding Nerves

When people ask me, are you nervous now that you are getting married? I always answer no, as I have been waiting for far too long.

But now that the wedding is more or less four more weeks to go, I am actually NERVOUS!
I even get jumpy when I am not doing anything.
I even get jumpier when I actually do something.

Gosh, why am I nervous????

Tagged

What is the relationship of you and him?

My husband.. in the next 37 days, insya Allah :))

Your 5 impressions towards him
1. Caring
2. Responsible
3. Loving
4. Strict
5. Clingy!

The most memorable things he had done for you are
Uncountable.

The most memorable things he have said to you?
I like to keep this private.

If he becomes your enemy, you will
do nothing, coz this is not going to happen.

If he becomes your enemy, the reason is
I betray him, but very unlikely so.

The most desirable thing to do on him is?
Too mushy to describe. I will keep this to myself.

The overall impression of him is
My life, my everything.

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
I am serious.

The character of you for yourself is?
Matured thinking, at least this is what I think of myself.

The character you hate of yourself is?
I love the way I am. Nothing to hate. No body is perfect anyway.

The most ideal person that you want to be is?
Myself, with better, improved personalities.

For the people who care about and like you, say something about them.
I love you, and I will do as long as you do the same too.

* I've deleted the last few parts because its quite tiring to think of 10 people to tag.

More of Maria

The little cute black kitten has grown up into fat, beautiful, gorgeous, clingy cat.
She is so clingy that she will not leave my mum's side.
My mum brings her every where, balik kampung, pegi kedai, isi minyak kereta etc.
Guess now my mum has a new little baby to take care of...

Chocolate Fudge Cake! Yummy!!

I am very choosy when it comes to eating chocolate cake. The cake must have the right amount of moisture, the acceptable level of 'chocolateyness' and enough sweetness and creaminess. In my search for 'The Choc Cake', I came across a recipe and tried baking it for my best friend's 22nd Birthday. And here is the result:

Chocolate Fudge Cake
(note: picture might not give the right justice to the cake's look & taste)

The taste....OOohhhhh.....it's beyond your imagination!! It is exactly 'the choc cake' ever! It was so good that I had it for breakfast for a few days in a row!


And now that the DC disorders hits me again, I am going to bake this again.
Let me know if you want some ;p

A Boost for Motivation

It is 29th October 2008. I have finally done writing my last chapter, complete with all the appendices needed for my dissertation.
Thank you so much to my extremely superb tutor, Katy Salisbury.
The journey is now very close to its end.
It is indeed very amazing.
Splendid.

My Want List

Dear all,

Here I want to share with you my want list of things that I want to have before I am back to Malaysia. I know I am broke now, so by writing this the feeling of brokeness lessen up and the want to browse Amazon or ebay or argos will diminish....

• Prestige pressure cooker
• Multifunction blender
• Kenwood food processor
• George Foreman health grill
• Make up set (for my hantaran)
• Books (education, story and cooking)

Well, that's all. Not a long list anyway.


P/s: Wedding present for me, anyone? I am still waiting for those in bold to be given to me.
Just kidding =D

My Mum's New Obsession

This new obsession has caused her RM 400. Well... I don't mind, it was from her own money, as long as she is happy, I am happy for her too [but I am not very happy that she buang my Boy! Poor little kitty :( Penat I selamatkan and nurture him..huhu.. May he is safe under His protection & love, amin.... ]

So, here is the gorgeous & mischievous little thing...

Btw, her name is Maria.

H.O.M.E.S.I.C.K

I rarely get homesick. Very rarely. Maybe because I am so used to live far from my family. I have started live independently since I was 13, and till now, almost 10 years. But lately, the feeling of homesickness kicks me. It kicks hard.

Malam-malam sebelum tido teringat kat ibu. How hard she has worked to raise us. Banyak benda and pengorbanan yang ibu dah buat. Banyak duit ibu dah guna untuk anak-anak instead of for herself. And now, she is alone at home and has to prepare for my incoming wedding. I feel so sad, thinking that when I come back to Malaysia in December, I will only spend less than 3 weeks with them before my first priority in life changes.

Bila fikir balik, saya rasa sometimes saya ni jahat. Dulu, kecik-kecik, semua keperluan dan kehendak kita ibu & ayah akan sediakan secepat & sesempurna mungkin. Their love for us has begun even before we were born. Their love is boundless. We are their first priority. Kalau kita demam, mesti diorang sangat risau & bersengkang mata jaga kita. Minta itu ini, diorang mesti usahakan. Kalau mereka tak jaga kita betul-betul, belum tentu sekarang kita dapat nikmati hidup sampai ke hari ini; belajar kat oversea and know how big and wonderful and hard life is. No wonder we cannot pay back all that they have done for us! I promise I will take good care of them. They have taken care for me for more than I have taken care for them...

Sekarang, bila dah besar, saya rasa kadang-kadang saya ni jahat. Sebab bila ibu @ ayah mintak tolong, e.g. buatkan air, kdg2 saya cakap "kejap" or "nanti jap, tunggu iklan dulu". Huhu..sampai ayah saya tegur kitorg "Amboi..kalau nak mintak tolong, asyik kejap je... Tapi bila mintak duit, tak boleh tangguh langsung!" Hoho. Teruk betul. Dulu, waktu kecik-kecik (belum sekolah lagi), sampai pernah terfikir, ibu ngn ayah ni suka ada anak sebab nak suruh kitorang buat kerja ke? Adoi...tapi nasib baik tak cakap kt diorang, simpan dlm hati je ;p

My beloved ibu once said to me, "Nanti kamu dah jadi ibu, baru kamu tahu". I am scared now. Tak tahu sama ada nanti saya mampu menjadi ibu yang baik. Tak tahu sama ada saya akan bersedia memikul amanah yang berat tu. And for now, I just pray to Allah swt to make their life & afterlife easier and may He puts them in the same group of blessed people. I know I am not a good servant, but I hope God will not punish them for all the bad things that I have done, and put them in His heaven, ameen...

Because of You

Because of you,
I am sleep deprived,
And now I have a pair of panda eyes .

Because of you,
I have to leave my soap dramas,
And now I am less entertained .

Because of you,
I have to abandon my hobbies,
And now I am not an avid reader .

Because of you,
I am sometimes depressed,
And now I bake a lot .

Because of you,
I have to be best friend with the library,
And now my room is full of books .

Because of you,
I have to spend endless hours in front of my laptop,
And I get headache now and then.

Because of you,
My dissy,
I will forgo my needs,
Just for you,
So that in 2010,
I will have my Honours degree,
For you,
I will.

Tears of The Ultimate Happiness

Happiness is what all humans are looking for in this life. Some look for it in wealth. Some look for it in friendship. Some look for it in relationship. I am no exception. Being a bit unhappy lately, and had had some issues, have made me wondering, where and how can I find the ultimate happiness...

Happiness,
it doesn't lie in a good relationship with humans.
It lies in a strong relationship with Him.
For HIM is the greatest friend,
Who is always be by our side.

He is still by our side even we abandon Him,
He, who always and still gives a hand,
He, who always guides and guards us every second,
helping us in ways we never realize,
showers us with endless love,
even we forget Him,
even we do what He dislikes.
even we say we love Him but we don't really mean it.

Sometimes we cry, hurt by what our friends did,
we cry, cry and cry hard.
We feel a bit relieved after that.
But still, don't we feel that our heart is still unhappy?
Can't we feel the emptiness?
Why are we still unhappy?
Where is the happiness??

Happiness,
it does not lie in wealth,
nor good friendship.
For all of these are temporary.
They will be gone,
when we are gone.

Happiness,
It lies in the tears,
Tears of crying for Him,
crying for His mercy and love.
These tears,
tears of the ultimate happiness,
the utmost tranquillity,
is to be gained,
not given.
Gain it,
and we will be happy,
for beyond eternity.

"Sesungguhnya hari keputusan itu adalah waktu yang dijanjikan bagi mereka semuanya, iaitu hari yang seorang karib tidak dapat memberi manfaat kepda karibnya sedikitpun, dan mereka tidak akan mendapat pertolongan, kecuali orang yang diberi rahmat oleh Allah. Sesungguhnya Dialah Yang Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Penyayang." (Ad-Dukhaan: 40-42)

P/S: Ya Allah, peliharalah kami daripada kejahatan diri kami sendiri...

Don't say you care when you don't .

We always say that we care about our friends. But the reality is, do we really care? Or do we just care or thought of them when we need something from them? Or when we have not seen them joining functions for a long time? Contohnya, nak mintak tolong proofread assignment or beli barang kt ASDA dan bermacam-macam lagi. I am sick of these kind of people.

I am not saying I am such a wonderful person and friend. Tapi, I write this based on my experience. I hate the way they treated me. I did so much to win their hearts and affection, but what I got in return was bad words about me. Back stabbing as some people call it. Syafwah ni la.. tu la.. I tak boleh minum susu lembu pun jadi isu. Sedangkan dengan diorang, I lapang dada je, as I know we are different human beings who can never be the same. Nothing that I do is good enough for them. I always accept the way they are, but they never will accept me as the way I am.

A very close friend of mine always advise me not to think of them too much. But I am a girl with a very sensitive heart which makes me always think of they treatment towards me. Walau telah lama berlalu, kadang-kadang kalau teringat, mesti nak nangis..huuu...

For me, kalau nak berkawan biarlah ikhlas. Terima kawan tu seadanya and care for them with all your heart. I am thankful for now I have met real friends, and one of them will stay by my side always. If only I have met you earlier...

We are not real friends if what makes me cry will make you cry too. To them, you are forgiven, but this hurt that you have caused can't never be forgotten.

Tagged, I Have Been. (special credit to Hani Iryani bt Adnan)

Rules::-

* Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Haiyoo... amende alah la tag-tag ni.. I thought of clothing tag when I first heard of this tagging thing. How technology has enriched the meaning of normal words. Nak share ape pun tak tau..nothing is interesting about me, I guess.
Anyway, here are 7 facts about this girl named Nurul Syafwah binti Raduan, borned 5th March 1986.

1. I may look 'tough' from the outside, but inside, I am very sensitive. Senang sangat nak nangis kalau sedih. When I knew my beloved youngest brother got cancer, I cried the whole time, resulting in a week of high fever. And this sensitive heart of mine can be hurt easily. My best mates know this fact very well..hehehe ;p It hurts easily, but it mends quite easily too. All I need from the person who don't mean to hurt me is a simple apology, and it is over, and I can smile again. *peace* :)

2. I just love baking and cooking. I started baking when I was still small, because my mom said I was always playing in the kitchen. Having a weeping and problematic brother who cried at all times and took my toys, making me always playing alone in the kitchen. Poor little sister. My mom said, pernah satu hari, diorang risau I diam je, tak tau kat mana, rupa-rupanya doh tumbuk ikan bilis dalam lesung batu. I was one year ++ at that time. And I still remember till today, I was baking cookies (I was 12) when my now-soon-to-be-mother-in-law walked in the kitchen and said: Wah, rajin si Nurul ni! Boleh buat menantu, utk si Eddy (my fiance's elder brother). And same with Hani, I will resort to these activities whenever I am feeling down and tensed up, I will go to the kitchen and make something edible from my kitchen cabinets and fridge. The best part is, I don't eat what I have cooked, instead, I give to my friends. Strange as it is, I like to eat shop-bought cakes although I know how to bake them. But hey dear friends, this is a fact that is not to be manipulated! (eg. make Syafwah emo, and she will cook or bake something for us!)

3. Riding bicycle is a HUGE trauma for me. This happened in the year 2005 or 2006 when all of B.Ed TESL students in IPBA went for a field trip to Putrajaya. Kan most of us naik beskal tu, and unlucky me, lost control of my bike when going down a hill...and....bump!!! Bump into a huge bricked lamp post and thrown out from the bike into the bushes. OUCH!! Sakit tau..dah la jatuh sorang2. . Bruised all over my right shoulder and hip, scratches and sprained on my legs. Naseb tak lama lepas tu ade abg-abg yg jage tempat tu ronda naek motosikal, so they help me. I got a week m/c for this as I can't walk properly. Cycling? Never again, except yang ada roda 4, ehehehe xD (So Warid and Hazriq, don't mention of cycling to IPBA from Kerinchi, ok?)

4. I always get hurt in friendship. Over the years, I always end up with people who don't apprieciate me, people who always take me for granted, people who can't accept me as I am and back-stabbed me. I ni bukanlah kawan yang perfect, but I can truthfully say that I always try my best to help and make them happy because I love my friends. But to those people, ape yang I buat mesti tak kena. I have done so much for them, but all I got in return is hurt (time tulis ni pun rasa sedey)... That is why most of the times, I prefer pets that human beings (oh and until now, I have dreams and nightmares of my hamsters!). To those people yang buat I macam ni and read this, sorry to say, from now on, you bear no significant in my life, not for now, and not for ever, until time heals this wound.

5. Okay, honestly, I have no idea on what to say about me. Erm..I am quite straight-forward, a fact that can't be changed. I am sorry to those I have hurt without intention. Tapi kalau dah biasa, tak de la bisa sangat, hehehe...ade je org yg lagi straight-forward from me. But, again, sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.

6. I have been in love with the same man for almost 10 years now. More details? Later.

7. The fact: I am engaged. Soon to be married with the same man end of this year, Insya Allah.

Well, those are some facts about me. More are indescribable.
I don't have any idea who to tag. I tag only two for the time being. The lucky people are:

1. Nadeera
2. Gunalan

That is all for now. Got to re-write the revised Chapter 1. Good luck to me, and you too. xx

A Fact of Life.

we are different in our own ways,
it makes us unique,
distinguished,
just special.

celebrate,
enjoy,
appreciate and
accept,
our uniqueness.
be thankful for this,
as it makes our life richer,
more lively.

so please,
please, please stop.
stop judging.
just stop.
just stop judging.
stop it.

DC from my DC

Tinggal lagi dua hari untuk hantar first draft of my first chapter to Katy. But, hell, I am struggling with my health and writing the first thousand words. My head hurts after a few hours in front of the screen. Cubaan yang hebat. Panadol is my next top friend now.

Anyway, I am thinking of writing about a story of how a girl met a boy. This is the opening song for the story. I love the song. It is just the truth about love.

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

A Tribute to Cats

I love animals, especially furry ones. When my parents and I went to Roadwalk in Penang, I fell in love with a pair of rabbits, but my parents won't hear me! I left Penang that day with a broken heart..

Actually I wanted to be a vet. Tapi abang cakap something yang buat hati ni terus tak lalu nak jadi vet. Dia cakap: Buat pe jadi vet, bukannya membantu pembangunan negara! There you go..and I am a few years to become a teacher, building a nation that hopefully will build the country.

Cats and I are quite identical. The prove is, somebody even said my eyes are like cat eyes! Anyway, here are some pictures of cats that I have met and touched.

Ni Bella, seekor kucing kacukan Parsi & kampung. Kucing kawan ibu. Gemuk. Gues what he is eating in this picture. Durian!! Yes, durian! Kita selalu dengar cerita kucing makan durian, and now it really happens in front of my eyes. Syok betul dia makan durian tu...sampai dua ulas! Me myself don't really eat durian, this cat beats me!

Ni pulak Boy, anak kucing yang umurnya tak sampai sebulan. I was busy cupcaking as it was only two more days until kenduri tahlil and my engagement reception. Having a pair of leech ears (telinga lintah), I heard this poor cat meowing. At first, mcm malas nak ambik kisah, but then I know I won't be able to sleep until I found this kitten. So berbekalkan sebilah pisau lipat, I pun keluar rumah walaupun berseorangan dan jam dah menunjukkan pukul 2.30 pagi. Lepas 5 minit jalan, baru nampak dia kat tepi jalan. Cepat-cepat I pegi kat dia, tapi dia garang sangat! Tak bagi pegang dier. Jadi I pun guna pisau (nak elak dier cakar and gigit tangan) tu utk gosok leher dier and he calmed down. Now, he is healthy and happy living with my mom. Dulu tak mau minum susu, sekarang dah pandai minta susu. He likes to play with tudung saji and chasing people's walking legs. I miss him.

She is Kitty. My cousin's cat. Although she is very gorgeous, I don't like her. She is very sombong. She scratched my hands. She is not friendly at all. I just hope she will change one day.

This is a well-known cat to all Marjonians: Beethovan. I like him. Pengubat rindu kat kucing-kucing Malaysia. Fat and monopolizing. Loves to chase his own tail and an attention seeker. He doesn't like it when you are doing your work, leaving him alone. He loves being with us instead of with his rightfully owner. Poor his owner. I will definately be thinking of him when I am back in Malaysia.

People sometimes question animal lovers, why they can give so much love and affection to animals compared to humans. Well..sorry to say, sometimes, and most of the times, cats are so much better friends than humans.

I am Back!!!

Time passes quickly that we barely realised how much time we have actually wasted. As for me, I don't really want to admit that I wasted my summer vacation doing nothing. I wasted some time, but most of the time I spend it with my mom and preparing for my incoming wedding.

The journey to Malaysia was a tough one. Flight got cancelled and delayed, stranded alone...It took me almost four days to land in KLIA! Boy it taught me a lot about live and being thankful. The survival in this world. The persons who matter most, and to whom you matter most. Thank you Lord, for this invaluable lesson.

Being in Malaysia was lovely. Being with your family members, enjoying the flavours of Malaysia (I loveee char kue tiaw in Penang) and eating my favourite fruit: Mangosteen. Sedap nyerr... Tak teringat langsung kt beri-beri England, nothing beats tropikal fruits! Mangga, manggis, rambutan, durian, jambu batu, jambu air, buah naga....yummy!

Cerita politilk pulak...menyampah. Sumpah sana, sumpah sini. Me, who doesn't like politic can't even stand the political issues. I just hope things will get better in time. Tapi nanti jadi cikgu pun tak boleh terlibat dengan politik. Bagus jugak, kalau tak, pening kepala. Institusi agama di Malaysia pun dah tercalar dek politik. Hampeh.

Lari dari politik. I want to share an experience. It was second, or maybe third of Ramadan. My mom and I on the way to Econsave. That day was quite sunny. While waiting for the traffic lights to turn green, I looked at the car next to us. Ada tiga orang remaja. At first I thought budak cina, or maybe Bumi yg bukan Islam. Yela..sedap je diorang makan what looked like kerepek to me. But then, I looked more carefully. Kat cermin utk tengok blkg tu (can't remember what it is called) tergantung hiasan tulisan ayat-ayat Quran. So I told my mum, I asked her to look. The teenagers, realised we were looking at them, tried to hide the accessory. Trying to hide the fact that they are Muslims and they should be fasting. Perasaan malu dan sedih membuak-buak. Even until today, I can't forget that incident. Kalau ye pun yang perempuan-perempuan tu tak puasa, tak payah la makan dengan bangga sambil menyuap si lelaki di sebelah. And for the rest of the journey, I had to bear with my mum's nag.

Now, I am back in Plymouth. Barely see sun shining brightly. I am still recovering from flu and cough. Surviving to do my dissertation which I haven't started yet. Surviving to heal the old wounds and to open new beginnings...

Leicestershire

In this piece of writing, I will write something different, I will write about my trip and visit to a dear friend of mine. My good buddies sent me off, they almost brought me to tears (special appreciation to Mohd Azizi bin Abd Aziz for his efforts to make me cry!). Thank you ever so much for everything , my darlings. You guys have made me very happy for the past 2 weeks, which were the happiest weeks ever! I will miss all of you!

The journey was teribbly boring. I almost died of boredome. Thank God I had someone to crack and share silly jokes with (virtually, of course!) After a journey of almost five hours, I arrived at Leicester. With a gigantic bag and a cute but heavy suitcase, it was an absolutely amazing journey. Alhamdulillah there were some guys helped me with the almost impossible task of dragging the bags in and out of the trains.

Sarah, my housemate, also my best ever friend picked me up at the train station. The first view of Leicester was...Masha Allah! There are Muslims every where. Almost all the Muslimahs wear niqabs. I am impressed! Even in Malaysia it is not like this. Our Malaysian girls are getting sexier and sexier (as far as I am concern). And there are also people walking with al-Qur'an and tasbih in thier hands. I will put some pictures later as I always forgot to take some (too mesmerized of everything that going on around me).

Her mum is a fantastic chef. The first day, I ate some capati with curry, real Indian curry. It was delicious! Better than Fahad's! And yesterday, after long, long months of not eating beef, I ate beef curry with some Indian rice, it was fabulous! I had two helpings (OMG)! Guess I will make myself fat before I am going back to Malaysia! And her family members are really friendly, I feel so much at home that I don't like the idea of going out!

As my bags were so goodnessly heavy, I had to post half of them away...there goes my £££ again! Remember folks, next time, pack really carefully before you travel, don't be like me! I am just clumsy and lazy and short-minded when it comes to packing stuffs for travelling. Usually, Sarah packs for me. Here, in her room, she was the one who unpacked and packed for me. I just love her for this, hehehe.. Then later at night, we went to one of her aunties' home to say goodbye as they are leaving to Tanzania for summer holiday. Her aunty is so cool , friendly and sporting. I really like her, aunty Debbs. Her daughters are really pretty; mixed genes I guess."Tell me when you have kids, and then you can tell me how you regret being married!" (I have edited her actual words here) she said, jokingly when she learned that I am getting married soon, insya Allah. I will definately visit her again one day!

Today, I went out to the town to do some shopping, and I bought lots of stuffs! I bought:

• a pair sunglasses
• a white flowy, linen skirt
• 3 kaftan tops
• 3 shirts
• small, cute toileteries for my one day stop at Colombo

I feel broken now (money wise) but happy as I have not shopped for ages! Well, I have restrained myself from shopping after I bought a new laptop, and now, I just can't be bothered! Shopping is indeed a good therapy, till you found out how broke you are!

Anyway, I still have 5 more days to go back to Malaysia. My journey will start on the 7th of July, but I will have to transit at Sri Lanka for a day (8th July)- Sri Lanka tourism purposes; and catch the next flight to KL the next day. Hopefully, everything will be fine and I will arrive at Malaysia safely, Insya Allah, amiin..Do pray for my safety, yea!

Till then, see you again next time. Xx

The State of Me

I hate it when confusion attacks me. I have been in this state for a while now, which has caused me to abandon my blog writing. I can't stop thinking about things. I can't stop questioning myself. And worse, I don't like to be with some people who I believe affect my confusion state, although they are innocent.

In next few weeks, I will be lonely. My close friends are going away. And I am going away too, to face my real issues back in Malaysia. These few months have been a very indescribable moments. Through all of the moments, I have gone through them alone, with Lord Almighty by my side. There were friends, but not the ones who I can cry on their shoulders. Maybe this is my fault, I don't know, but I have tried my best to be a good friend to them, insya Allah. But anyway, Alhamdullillah, thank you ever so much Allah for giving me strength and guiding me through it all. Without You, I won't be able to make through the journey. Indeed, my journey is still a long way to go.

People say life gets harder. It is undeniably true. My life has never been easier as days pass me by. I am scared of what future holds for me. But I am very thankful to Him as my life is still at a very good condition compared to those Allah wants to test.

In conclusion, I am confused and I am lonely. Life has its ups and downs. Now I am at my downside. I don't know what to do with myself. Dear God, please lift me up. I am tired of shredding tears. And please my kind, blessed readers, pray for the betterment of my state . . .

Jzkk to all!