Wedding Nerves

When people ask me, are you nervous now that you are getting married? I always answer no, as I have been waiting for far too long.

But now that the wedding is more or less four more weeks to go, I am actually NERVOUS!
I even get jumpy when I am not doing anything.
I even get jumpier when I actually do something.

Gosh, why am I nervous????

Tagged

What is the relationship of you and him?

My husband.. in the next 37 days, insya Allah :))

Your 5 impressions towards him
1. Caring
2. Responsible
3. Loving
4. Strict
5. Clingy!

The most memorable things he had done for you are
Uncountable.

The most memorable things he have said to you?
I like to keep this private.

If he becomes your enemy, you will
do nothing, coz this is not going to happen.

If he becomes your enemy, the reason is
I betray him, but very unlikely so.

The most desirable thing to do on him is?
Too mushy to describe. I will keep this to myself.

The overall impression of him is
My life, my everything.

How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
I am serious.

The character of you for yourself is?
Matured thinking, at least this is what I think of myself.

The character you hate of yourself is?
I love the way I am. Nothing to hate. No body is perfect anyway.

The most ideal person that you want to be is?
Myself, with better, improved personalities.

For the people who care about and like you, say something about them.
I love you, and I will do as long as you do the same too.

* I've deleted the last few parts because its quite tiring to think of 10 people to tag.

More of Maria

The little cute black kitten has grown up into fat, beautiful, gorgeous, clingy cat.
She is so clingy that she will not leave my mum's side.
My mum brings her every where, balik kampung, pegi kedai, isi minyak kereta etc.
Guess now my mum has a new little baby to take care of...

Chocolate Fudge Cake! Yummy!!

I am very choosy when it comes to eating chocolate cake. The cake must have the right amount of moisture, the acceptable level of 'chocolateyness' and enough sweetness and creaminess. In my search for 'The Choc Cake', I came across a recipe and tried baking it for my best friend's 22nd Birthday. And here is the result:

Chocolate Fudge Cake
(note: picture might not give the right justice to the cake's look & taste)

The taste....OOohhhhh.....it's beyond your imagination!! It is exactly 'the choc cake' ever! It was so good that I had it for breakfast for a few days in a row!


And now that the DC disorders hits me again, I am going to bake this again.
Let me know if you want some ;p

A Boost for Motivation

It is 29th October 2008. I have finally done writing my last chapter, complete with all the appendices needed for my dissertation.
Thank you so much to my extremely superb tutor, Katy Salisbury.
The journey is now very close to its end.
It is indeed very amazing.
Splendid.

My Want List

Dear all,

Here I want to share with you my want list of things that I want to have before I am back to Malaysia. I know I am broke now, so by writing this the feeling of brokeness lessen up and the want to browse Amazon or ebay or argos will diminish....

• Prestige pressure cooker
• Multifunction blender
• Kenwood food processor
• George Foreman health grill
• Make up set (for my hantaran)
• Books (education, story and cooking)

Well, that's all. Not a long list anyway.


P/s: Wedding present for me, anyone? I am still waiting for those in bold to be given to me.
Just kidding =D

My Mum's New Obsession

This new obsession has caused her RM 400. Well... I don't mind, it was from her own money, as long as she is happy, I am happy for her too [but I am not very happy that she buang my Boy! Poor little kitty :( Penat I selamatkan and nurture him..huhu.. May he is safe under His protection & love, amin.... ]

So, here is the gorgeous & mischievous little thing...

Btw, her name is Maria.

H.O.M.E.S.I.C.K

I rarely get homesick. Very rarely. Maybe because I am so used to live far from my family. I have started live independently since I was 13, and till now, almost 10 years. But lately, the feeling of homesickness kicks me. It kicks hard.

Malam-malam sebelum tido teringat kat ibu. How hard she has worked to raise us. Banyak benda and pengorbanan yang ibu dah buat. Banyak duit ibu dah guna untuk anak-anak instead of for herself. And now, she is alone at home and has to prepare for my incoming wedding. I feel so sad, thinking that when I come back to Malaysia in December, I will only spend less than 3 weeks with them before my first priority in life changes.

Bila fikir balik, saya rasa sometimes saya ni jahat. Dulu, kecik-kecik, semua keperluan dan kehendak kita ibu & ayah akan sediakan secepat & sesempurna mungkin. Their love for us has begun even before we were born. Their love is boundless. We are their first priority. Kalau kita demam, mesti diorang sangat risau & bersengkang mata jaga kita. Minta itu ini, diorang mesti usahakan. Kalau mereka tak jaga kita betul-betul, belum tentu sekarang kita dapat nikmati hidup sampai ke hari ini; belajar kat oversea and know how big and wonderful and hard life is. No wonder we cannot pay back all that they have done for us! I promise I will take good care of them. They have taken care for me for more than I have taken care for them...

Sekarang, bila dah besar, saya rasa kadang-kadang saya ni jahat. Sebab bila ibu @ ayah mintak tolong, e.g. buatkan air, kdg2 saya cakap "kejap" or "nanti jap, tunggu iklan dulu". Huhu..sampai ayah saya tegur kitorg "Amboi..kalau nak mintak tolong, asyik kejap je... Tapi bila mintak duit, tak boleh tangguh langsung!" Hoho. Teruk betul. Dulu, waktu kecik-kecik (belum sekolah lagi), sampai pernah terfikir, ibu ngn ayah ni suka ada anak sebab nak suruh kitorang buat kerja ke? Adoi...tapi nasib baik tak cakap kt diorang, simpan dlm hati je ;p

My beloved ibu once said to me, "Nanti kamu dah jadi ibu, baru kamu tahu". I am scared now. Tak tahu sama ada nanti saya mampu menjadi ibu yang baik. Tak tahu sama ada saya akan bersedia memikul amanah yang berat tu. And for now, I just pray to Allah swt to make their life & afterlife easier and may He puts them in the same group of blessed people. I know I am not a good servant, but I hope God will not punish them for all the bad things that I have done, and put them in His heaven, ameen...

Because of You

Because of you,
I am sleep deprived,
And now I have a pair of panda eyes .

Because of you,
I have to leave my soap dramas,
And now I am less entertained .

Because of you,
I have to abandon my hobbies,
And now I am not an avid reader .

Because of you,
I am sometimes depressed,
And now I bake a lot .

Because of you,
I have to be best friend with the library,
And now my room is full of books .

Because of you,
I have to spend endless hours in front of my laptop,
And I get headache now and then.

Because of you,
My dissy,
I will forgo my needs,
Just for you,
So that in 2010,
I will have my Honours degree,
For you,
I will.

Tears of The Ultimate Happiness

Happiness is what all humans are looking for in this life. Some look for it in wealth. Some look for it in friendship. Some look for it in relationship. I am no exception. Being a bit unhappy lately, and had had some issues, have made me wondering, where and how can I find the ultimate happiness...

Happiness,
it doesn't lie in a good relationship with humans.
It lies in a strong relationship with Him.
For HIM is the greatest friend,
Who is always be by our side.

He is still by our side even we abandon Him,
He, who always and still gives a hand,
He, who always guides and guards us every second,
helping us in ways we never realize,
showers us with endless love,
even we forget Him,
even we do what He dislikes.
even we say we love Him but we don't really mean it.

Sometimes we cry, hurt by what our friends did,
we cry, cry and cry hard.
We feel a bit relieved after that.
But still, don't we feel that our heart is still unhappy?
Can't we feel the emptiness?
Why are we still unhappy?
Where is the happiness??

Happiness,
it does not lie in wealth,
nor good friendship.
For all of these are temporary.
They will be gone,
when we are gone.

Happiness,
It lies in the tears,
Tears of crying for Him,
crying for His mercy and love.
These tears,
tears of the ultimate happiness,
the utmost tranquillity,
is to be gained,
not given.
Gain it,
and we will be happy,
for beyond eternity.

"Sesungguhnya hari keputusan itu adalah waktu yang dijanjikan bagi mereka semuanya, iaitu hari yang seorang karib tidak dapat memberi manfaat kepda karibnya sedikitpun, dan mereka tidak akan mendapat pertolongan, kecuali orang yang diberi rahmat oleh Allah. Sesungguhnya Dialah Yang Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Penyayang." (Ad-Dukhaan: 40-42)

P/S: Ya Allah, peliharalah kami daripada kejahatan diri kami sendiri...

Don't say you care when you don't .

We always say that we care about our friends. But the reality is, do we really care? Or do we just care or thought of them when we need something from them? Or when we have not seen them joining functions for a long time? Contohnya, nak mintak tolong proofread assignment or beli barang kt ASDA dan bermacam-macam lagi. I am sick of these kind of people.

I am not saying I am such a wonderful person and friend. Tapi, I write this based on my experience. I hate the way they treated me. I did so much to win their hearts and affection, but what I got in return was bad words about me. Back stabbing as some people call it. Syafwah ni la.. tu la.. I tak boleh minum susu lembu pun jadi isu. Sedangkan dengan diorang, I lapang dada je, as I know we are different human beings who can never be the same. Nothing that I do is good enough for them. I always accept the way they are, but they never will accept me as the way I am.

A very close friend of mine always advise me not to think of them too much. But I am a girl with a very sensitive heart which makes me always think of they treatment towards me. Walau telah lama berlalu, kadang-kadang kalau teringat, mesti nak nangis..huuu...

For me, kalau nak berkawan biarlah ikhlas. Terima kawan tu seadanya and care for them with all your heart. I am thankful for now I have met real friends, and one of them will stay by my side always. If only I have met you earlier...

We are not real friends if what makes me cry will make you cry too. To them, you are forgiven, but this hurt that you have caused can't never be forgotten.

Tagged, I Have Been. (special credit to Hani Iryani bt Adnan)

Rules::-

* Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Haiyoo... amende alah la tag-tag ni.. I thought of clothing tag when I first heard of this tagging thing. How technology has enriched the meaning of normal words. Nak share ape pun tak tau..nothing is interesting about me, I guess.
Anyway, here are 7 facts about this girl named Nurul Syafwah binti Raduan, borned 5th March 1986.

1. I may look 'tough' from the outside, but inside, I am very sensitive. Senang sangat nak nangis kalau sedih. When I knew my beloved youngest brother got cancer, I cried the whole time, resulting in a week of high fever. And this sensitive heart of mine can be hurt easily. My best mates know this fact very well..hehehe ;p It hurts easily, but it mends quite easily too. All I need from the person who don't mean to hurt me is a simple apology, and it is over, and I can smile again. *peace* :)

2. I just love baking and cooking. I started baking when I was still small, because my mom said I was always playing in the kitchen. Having a weeping and problematic brother who cried at all times and took my toys, making me always playing alone in the kitchen. Poor little sister. My mom said, pernah satu hari, diorang risau I diam je, tak tau kat mana, rupa-rupanya doh tumbuk ikan bilis dalam lesung batu. I was one year ++ at that time. And I still remember till today, I was baking cookies (I was 12) when my now-soon-to-be-mother-in-law walked in the kitchen and said: Wah, rajin si Nurul ni! Boleh buat menantu, utk si Eddy (my fiance's elder brother). And same with Hani, I will resort to these activities whenever I am feeling down and tensed up, I will go to the kitchen and make something edible from my kitchen cabinets and fridge. The best part is, I don't eat what I have cooked, instead, I give to my friends. Strange as it is, I like to eat shop-bought cakes although I know how to bake them. But hey dear friends, this is a fact that is not to be manipulated! (eg. make Syafwah emo, and she will cook or bake something for us!)

3. Riding bicycle is a HUGE trauma for me. This happened in the year 2005 or 2006 when all of B.Ed TESL students in IPBA went for a field trip to Putrajaya. Kan most of us naik beskal tu, and unlucky me, lost control of my bike when going down a hill...and....bump!!! Bump into a huge bricked lamp post and thrown out from the bike into the bushes. OUCH!! Sakit tau..dah la jatuh sorang2. . Bruised all over my right shoulder and hip, scratches and sprained on my legs. Naseb tak lama lepas tu ade abg-abg yg jage tempat tu ronda naek motosikal, so they help me. I got a week m/c for this as I can't walk properly. Cycling? Never again, except yang ada roda 4, ehehehe xD (So Warid and Hazriq, don't mention of cycling to IPBA from Kerinchi, ok?)

4. I always get hurt in friendship. Over the years, I always end up with people who don't apprieciate me, people who always take me for granted, people who can't accept me as I am and back-stabbed me. I ni bukanlah kawan yang perfect, but I can truthfully say that I always try my best to help and make them happy because I love my friends. But to those people, ape yang I buat mesti tak kena. I have done so much for them, but all I got in return is hurt (time tulis ni pun rasa sedey)... That is why most of the times, I prefer pets that human beings (oh and until now, I have dreams and nightmares of my hamsters!). To those people yang buat I macam ni and read this, sorry to say, from now on, you bear no significant in my life, not for now, and not for ever, until time heals this wound.

5. Okay, honestly, I have no idea on what to say about me. Erm..I am quite straight-forward, a fact that can't be changed. I am sorry to those I have hurt without intention. Tapi kalau dah biasa, tak de la bisa sangat, hehehe...ade je org yg lagi straight-forward from me. But, again, sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.

6. I have been in love with the same man for almost 10 years now. More details? Later.

7. The fact: I am engaged. Soon to be married with the same man end of this year, Insya Allah.

Well, those are some facts about me. More are indescribable.
I don't have any idea who to tag. I tag only two for the time being. The lucky people are:

1. Nadeera
2. Gunalan

That is all for now. Got to re-write the revised Chapter 1. Good luck to me, and you too. xx

A Fact of Life.

we are different in our own ways,
it makes us unique,
distinguished,
just special.

celebrate,
enjoy,
appreciate and
accept,
our uniqueness.
be thankful for this,
as it makes our life richer,
more lively.

so please,
please, please stop.
stop judging.
just stop.
just stop judging.
stop it.

DC from my DC

Tinggal lagi dua hari untuk hantar first draft of my first chapter to Katy. But, hell, I am struggling with my health and writing the first thousand words. My head hurts after a few hours in front of the screen. Cubaan yang hebat. Panadol is my next top friend now.

Anyway, I am thinking of writing about a story of how a girl met a boy. This is the opening song for the story. I love the song. It is just the truth about love.

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

A Tribute to Cats

I love animals, especially furry ones. When my parents and I went to Roadwalk in Penang, I fell in love with a pair of rabbits, but my parents won't hear me! I left Penang that day with a broken heart..

Actually I wanted to be a vet. Tapi abang cakap something yang buat hati ni terus tak lalu nak jadi vet. Dia cakap: Buat pe jadi vet, bukannya membantu pembangunan negara! There you go..and I am a few years to become a teacher, building a nation that hopefully will build the country.

Cats and I are quite identical. The prove is, somebody even said my eyes are like cat eyes! Anyway, here are some pictures of cats that I have met and touched.

Ni Bella, seekor kucing kacukan Parsi & kampung. Kucing kawan ibu. Gemuk. Gues what he is eating in this picture. Durian!! Yes, durian! Kita selalu dengar cerita kucing makan durian, and now it really happens in front of my eyes. Syok betul dia makan durian tu...sampai dua ulas! Me myself don't really eat durian, this cat beats me!

Ni pulak Boy, anak kucing yang umurnya tak sampai sebulan. I was busy cupcaking as it was only two more days until kenduri tahlil and my engagement reception. Having a pair of leech ears (telinga lintah), I heard this poor cat meowing. At first, mcm malas nak ambik kisah, but then I know I won't be able to sleep until I found this kitten. So berbekalkan sebilah pisau lipat, I pun keluar rumah walaupun berseorangan dan jam dah menunjukkan pukul 2.30 pagi. Lepas 5 minit jalan, baru nampak dia kat tepi jalan. Cepat-cepat I pegi kat dia, tapi dia garang sangat! Tak bagi pegang dier. Jadi I pun guna pisau (nak elak dier cakar and gigit tangan) tu utk gosok leher dier and he calmed down. Now, he is healthy and happy living with my mom. Dulu tak mau minum susu, sekarang dah pandai minta susu. He likes to play with tudung saji and chasing people's walking legs. I miss him.

She is Kitty. My cousin's cat. Although she is very gorgeous, I don't like her. She is very sombong. She scratched my hands. She is not friendly at all. I just hope she will change one day.

This is a well-known cat to all Marjonians: Beethovan. I like him. Pengubat rindu kat kucing-kucing Malaysia. Fat and monopolizing. Loves to chase his own tail and an attention seeker. He doesn't like it when you are doing your work, leaving him alone. He loves being with us instead of with his rightfully owner. Poor his owner. I will definately be thinking of him when I am back in Malaysia.

People sometimes question animal lovers, why they can give so much love and affection to animals compared to humans. Well..sorry to say, sometimes, and most of the times, cats are so much better friends than humans.

I am Back!!!

Time passes quickly that we barely realised how much time we have actually wasted. As for me, I don't really want to admit that I wasted my summer vacation doing nothing. I wasted some time, but most of the time I spend it with my mom and preparing for my incoming wedding.

The journey to Malaysia was a tough one. Flight got cancelled and delayed, stranded alone...It took me almost four days to land in KLIA! Boy it taught me a lot about live and being thankful. The survival in this world. The persons who matter most, and to whom you matter most. Thank you Lord, for this invaluable lesson.

Being in Malaysia was lovely. Being with your family members, enjoying the flavours of Malaysia (I loveee char kue tiaw in Penang) and eating my favourite fruit: Mangosteen. Sedap nyerr... Tak teringat langsung kt beri-beri England, nothing beats tropikal fruits! Mangga, manggis, rambutan, durian, jambu batu, jambu air, buah naga....yummy!

Cerita politilk pulak...menyampah. Sumpah sana, sumpah sini. Me, who doesn't like politic can't even stand the political issues. I just hope things will get better in time. Tapi nanti jadi cikgu pun tak boleh terlibat dengan politik. Bagus jugak, kalau tak, pening kepala. Institusi agama di Malaysia pun dah tercalar dek politik. Hampeh.

Lari dari politik. I want to share an experience. It was second, or maybe third of Ramadan. My mom and I on the way to Econsave. That day was quite sunny. While waiting for the traffic lights to turn green, I looked at the car next to us. Ada tiga orang remaja. At first I thought budak cina, or maybe Bumi yg bukan Islam. Yela..sedap je diorang makan what looked like kerepek to me. But then, I looked more carefully. Kat cermin utk tengok blkg tu (can't remember what it is called) tergantung hiasan tulisan ayat-ayat Quran. So I told my mum, I asked her to look. The teenagers, realised we were looking at them, tried to hide the accessory. Trying to hide the fact that they are Muslims and they should be fasting. Perasaan malu dan sedih membuak-buak. Even until today, I can't forget that incident. Kalau ye pun yang perempuan-perempuan tu tak puasa, tak payah la makan dengan bangga sambil menyuap si lelaki di sebelah. And for the rest of the journey, I had to bear with my mum's nag.

Now, I am back in Plymouth. Barely see sun shining brightly. I am still recovering from flu and cough. Surviving to do my dissertation which I haven't started yet. Surviving to heal the old wounds and to open new beginnings...

Leicestershire

In this piece of writing, I will write something different, I will write about my trip and visit to a dear friend of mine. My good buddies sent me off, they almost brought me to tears (special appreciation to Mohd Azizi bin Abd Aziz for his efforts to make me cry!). Thank you ever so much for everything , my darlings. You guys have made me very happy for the past 2 weeks, which were the happiest weeks ever! I will miss all of you!

The journey was teribbly boring. I almost died of boredome. Thank God I had someone to crack and share silly jokes with (virtually, of course!) After a journey of almost five hours, I arrived at Leicester. With a gigantic bag and a cute but heavy suitcase, it was an absolutely amazing journey. Alhamdulillah there were some guys helped me with the almost impossible task of dragging the bags in and out of the trains.

Sarah, my housemate, also my best ever friend picked me up at the train station. The first view of Leicester was...Masha Allah! There are Muslims every where. Almost all the Muslimahs wear niqabs. I am impressed! Even in Malaysia it is not like this. Our Malaysian girls are getting sexier and sexier (as far as I am concern). And there are also people walking with al-Qur'an and tasbih in thier hands. I will put some pictures later as I always forgot to take some (too mesmerized of everything that going on around me).

Her mum is a fantastic chef. The first day, I ate some capati with curry, real Indian curry. It was delicious! Better than Fahad's! And yesterday, after long, long months of not eating beef, I ate beef curry with some Indian rice, it was fabulous! I had two helpings (OMG)! Guess I will make myself fat before I am going back to Malaysia! And her family members are really friendly, I feel so much at home that I don't like the idea of going out!

As my bags were so goodnessly heavy, I had to post half of them away...there goes my £££ again! Remember folks, next time, pack really carefully before you travel, don't be like me! I am just clumsy and lazy and short-minded when it comes to packing stuffs for travelling. Usually, Sarah packs for me. Here, in her room, she was the one who unpacked and packed for me. I just love her for this, hehehe.. Then later at night, we went to one of her aunties' home to say goodbye as they are leaving to Tanzania for summer holiday. Her aunty is so cool , friendly and sporting. I really like her, aunty Debbs. Her daughters are really pretty; mixed genes I guess."Tell me when you have kids, and then you can tell me how you regret being married!" (I have edited her actual words here) she said, jokingly when she learned that I am getting married soon, insya Allah. I will definately visit her again one day!

Today, I went out to the town to do some shopping, and I bought lots of stuffs! I bought:

• a pair sunglasses
• a white flowy, linen skirt
• 3 kaftan tops
• 3 shirts
• small, cute toileteries for my one day stop at Colombo

I feel broken now (money wise) but happy as I have not shopped for ages! Well, I have restrained myself from shopping after I bought a new laptop, and now, I just can't be bothered! Shopping is indeed a good therapy, till you found out how broke you are!

Anyway, I still have 5 more days to go back to Malaysia. My journey will start on the 7th of July, but I will have to transit at Sri Lanka for a day (8th July)- Sri Lanka tourism purposes; and catch the next flight to KL the next day. Hopefully, everything will be fine and I will arrive at Malaysia safely, Insya Allah, amiin..Do pray for my safety, yea!

Till then, see you again next time. Xx

The State of Me

I hate it when confusion attacks me. I have been in this state for a while now, which has caused me to abandon my blog writing. I can't stop thinking about things. I can't stop questioning myself. And worse, I don't like to be with some people who I believe affect my confusion state, although they are innocent.

In next few weeks, I will be lonely. My close friends are going away. And I am going away too, to face my real issues back in Malaysia. These few months have been a very indescribable moments. Through all of the moments, I have gone through them alone, with Lord Almighty by my side. There were friends, but not the ones who I can cry on their shoulders. Maybe this is my fault, I don't know, but I have tried my best to be a good friend to them, insya Allah. But anyway, Alhamdullillah, thank you ever so much Allah for giving me strength and guiding me through it all. Without You, I won't be able to make through the journey. Indeed, my journey is still a long way to go.

People say life gets harder. It is undeniably true. My life has never been easier as days pass me by. I am scared of what future holds for me. But I am very thankful to Him as my life is still at a very good condition compared to those Allah wants to test.

In conclusion, I am confused and I am lonely. Life has its ups and downs. Now I am at my downside. I don't know what to do with myself. Dear God, please lift me up. I am tired of shredding tears. And please my kind, blessed readers, pray for the betterment of my state . . .

Jzkk to all!

Perkahwinan

Dan di antara kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya diantara kamu rasa kasih sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berfikir
(30: 21)

Assalamu'alaikum wbt . . .

Agak lama juga saya telah membiarkan blog saya ni tidak berusik. Saya telah mengambil masa yang agak lama untuk membina semula kekuatan hati agar dapat menulis dari hati yang bersih...

Perkahwinan...ia mungkin suatu topik yang agak biasa dan lapuk bagi beberapa pihak. Tapi tak apa lah, saya cuma ingin mengurangkan beban di hati ini, walau saya tahu saya mampu hadapinya, Insya Allah...amin.
(Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya...2:286).

Perkahwinan amat dituntut dalam Islam. Banyak kelebihannya...

• Mengelakkan/menjauhkan daripada zina
• Menjaga nasab
• Menyalurkan fitrah manusia dengan cara yang diredhai-Nya
• Meramaikan umat Nabi Muhammad s.a.w
• Memudahkan pengumpulan pahala yang banyak
  
• dan banyak lagi....

Namun, zaman sekarang, kebanyakan ibu bapa zaman sekarang berfikiran jumud dalam isu ini. Keperluan materialistik dijadikan syarat dan ukuran dalam pembinaan Baitul Muslim. Contohnya:

"Ma, abah, saya nak bincang something yang serius ni..."
"Cakaplah. Kita bincang sama-sama."

"Ma, abah, saya nak kahwin. Bukan sebab saya ni 'miang' atau 'gatal', tapi saya dah bersedia untuk melangkah ke alam yang baru dalam hidup ni. Lagipun saya nak jaga diri saya dari benda-benda yang tak elok. Boleh tak?"
"Hish kamu ni...belajar la sampai habis dulu. Dapatkan degree dulu! Kerja dulu, kumpul duit! Beli kereta dan rumah dulu. Jangan fikir tentang kahwin lagi. Tunggula dua tiga tahun lagi, bila kamu dah stabil semuanya. Fikir la macam mana nak balas jasa ma dan abah dulu..."

That is the typical response from most of parents nowadays. One of globalization effects, I think. Anak yang ingin menjaga diri daripada fitnah hati dan zina tidak dibenarkan berbuat demikian semata-mata atas satu alasan: HARTA. For me, it is the weakest and most illogical reason for parents not to let their sons/daughters to get married.

Sesungguhnya pemberian harta, yakni rezeki, adalah milik mutlak Allah swt. Even if we wait for 10 years to stabilize our carrier and have hundreds of thousands ringgit, a big house and a posh car, we won't have them all if Allah doesn't allow us to. Tunggu la sampai 25 tahun sekalipun, jika Allah masih tidak mengizinkan kita untuk memiliki harta yang banyak, kita tetap tidak akan memilikinya. Dan jika Allah mengizinkan kita menjadi kaya raya, kita tak perlu menunggu bertahun-tahun, kita akan kaya. Tiada siapa yang dapat menandingi kekuasaan-Nya, not even time and money/carreer. Dan tidakkah mereka mengetahui bahawa Allah melapangkan rezeki dan menyempitkannya bagi siapa yang dikehendaki-Nya? Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu terdapat tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah bagi kaum yang beriman (39: 52).

Pembalasan jasa kepada orang tua kita sememangnya tidak akan pernah cukup/equal walau apa pun yang kita lakukan kerana pengorbanan mereka amatlah besar, hanya Allah swt yang mampu membalasnya. Namun demikian, tidak adillah jika ini dijadikan alasan untuk tidak membenarkan anak-anak membina Baitul Muslim. For me, marriage will make us appreciate our parents more because then we will realize how hard it is to be a wife/husband and a mother/father at a same time. Thus we will do everything in our power to help our beloved parents, Insya Allah. Pembalasan jasa kepada ibu bapa tidak pernah dan tidak akan berhenti walaupun anak-anak telah berkahwin, kerana ia suatu tanggungjawab anak yang tidak akan berhenti walau ibu bapa telah kembali menemui Allah swt. Ia tanggungjawab kita, sampai kita juga kembali kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya doa anak-anak yang soleh dan solehah yang berterusan itu lebih bererti daripada nilai wang. Kalau bagi RM 10 000 setiap bulan, tapi apabila ibu bapa dijemput oleh panggilan Ilahi, dan tiada doa disedekahkan selepas itu untuk mereka, apa gunanya?

Perkahwinan dikatakan menyempurnakan sebahagian daripada iman (tapi niat berkahwin mestilah kerana Allah swt semata-mata ;p). Hal ini kerana apabila sesorang yang telah berkahwin, hatinya akan berasa tenang kerana hidup lebih diberkati Allah swt. Hati menjadi bersih daripada noda-noda fitnah dan bisikan syaitan yang mengajak untuk menghampiri zina, seterusnya melahirkan keimanan yang lebih sempurna. Janganlah kesucian perkahwinan ini diukur dengan nilai materialistik duniawi yang belum menjamin kita ke jalan yang diredhai-Nya.

Wa'allhu'alam.

Birthday oh birthday . . .

Happy birthday! Happy bornday! Hepi besday! dan yang sinonim dengannya akan kita terima pada tarikh yang sama setiap tahun hingga akhir hayat (or if we are well-known, maybe even after we died!). Birthday is always fun and make us happy.

Kini saya sudah pun berumur 22 tahun. Dah tua... Cepat je masa berlalu. For my birthday this year, I don't really celebrate it. Ia cuma hari yang menandakan umur saya sudah genap 22 (or 23, 24 and so on).



For my birthday this year, I have treated myself with a deep reflection on birthday celebration. Dua persoalan timbul di benak fikiran saya: 1) Is there such thing as birthday celebration in Islam? 2) Cara yang bagaimana sepatutnya kita sambut hari yang dianggap istimewa oleh majoriti manusia?

Untuk soalan yang pertama, saya tak berapa pasti sebab ilmu dan pengetahuan saya tentang Islam masih cetek lagi. But, as far as I know and from my limited readings, I have never come across any birthday celebration celebrated by our previous prophets. Setahu saya, even Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. pun tak sambut hari lahir baginda. Entah la.. I am still blur regarding this matter. More reading needed, Syafwah!! Hoho.

Soalan kedua pula...sekali lagi, saya ni masih jahil lagi, huhu.. But I'll make comments based on my limited knowledge. I think, birthday celebration is, I think may be (stress di sini: MAYBE-sbb tak sure) bid'ah (yang kecil). So, to ensure that our birthday celebration doesn't fall into the 'bad' bid'ah category, certain guidelines must be adhered. Contohnya, jangan membazir, tiada pergaulan bebas, bersederhana dan sebagainya. Apa yang penting, kita tidak melanggar batas-batas syariat dan niat meraikan adalah kerana Allah swt. For instance, janganlah buat sambutan sebab nak dapat ucapan dan hadiah daripada rakan taulan, tapi buatlah kerana nak melahirkan rasa kesyukuran kepada Ilahi kerana kita dikurniakan umur yang panjang dan kesihatan dan kesempurnaan hidup. I believe all Muslims know the syariah requirements/guidelines, it just whether we want to obey them or not.

When I reflect again and again about this birthday thinggy, I personally believe that we shouldn't be too happy when it's our birthday. Makin berusia, makin dekatlah dengan 'gua' sempit dan gelap tu (or spacious and bright if we did the right things when we were alive). Sebaik-baiknya, kita renungkan kembali perjalanan hidup kita sebelum itu. Selama bertahun-tahun kita menghuni tubuh pinjaman ini, agak-agak apa yang telah kita sumbangkan untuk kemashalatan agama, umat dan keluarga? Adakah sepanjang kita hidup ini kita hanya pentingkan keseronokan duniawi semata-mata? Long hours of movies, games, sleep, and music, but few hours of worshipping and remembering The One? Hurm . . .

Jika birthday Nabi Muhammmad saw kita sambut dengan memperbanyakkan selawat, mungkin untuk birthday kita, kita banyakkan bersedekah dan beristighfar. Sedekah untuk lahirkan kesyukuran, istighfar untuk lahirkan keinsafan. Janganlah pula pada hari kelahiran kita, kita sambut dengan membuat lebih banyak dosa daripada hari-hari biasa dengan membuat perkara-perkara yang tidak berfaedah dan melunturkan iman.

Anyway, for this year birthday, I pray to Allah swt for strength, wisdom and patience to face everything that He has planned for me, amiin ...
Alhamdulillah, I can never thank You enough...


P/S: I bake cake for my friends' birthday, and
for my birthday, I have to bake my own!
How fair is that? Hihiii... (' ',)

Universal Language

Assalamua'alaikum wbt....

Heheh...maafla kepada yang menunggu update terbaru saya. It is just that I take a very long time to think about an issue before finally I get to the writing process. Ni pun bersemangat sebab ada seoang pembaca setia bertanya bila saya akan mengupdate blog saya ni yang saya kira dah dekat sebulan juga tak 'berusik'.

Sepanjang 3 minggu saya berkelana ke 4 negara, inilah yang saya selalu fikikan: Universal Language/Bahasa Universal. Italians don't really speak English, so do Portuguese and Spanish people. Only 'Switzelanders' speak quite good English.

Perjalanan di negara-negara yang tidak menggunakan bahasa Inggeris memang agak mencabar. Talian info pun dalam bahasa mereka (di Sepanyol). Nak order makanan pun susah. Sudahnya, siap dengan aksi-aksi dan bahasa isyarat. Apabila difikirkan kembali, lucu juga. Tapi yang penting, even we have a language barrier, all of the messages were conveyed successfully.

Sebelum ni saya fikir kalau dah masuk line 'menyampaikan' ni, bahasa perlu mantap. Kebanyakan rakan saya yang masuk line 'menyampaikan', penggunaan bahasa Melayu merak berubah menjadi sangat mantap. Saya pun rasa tertinggal sebab bahasa Melayu saya tak sehebat mereka. Berbunga-bunga. Maybe it is just me yang tak begitu minat bahasa sebegitu. Anyway, saya pun terfikir, di negara-negara sebegini, kalau nak menyampaikan Islam bukanlah dalam bahasa Melayu atau Inggeris atau Arab yang mantap, melainkan bahasa mereka sendiri. Here comes the major role of the Universal Language: our actions. Actions here means our attitude as Muslims.

Dari mata, turun ke hati. We cannot be part-time Muslims, tang tu kita ikut Islam, tang ni kita ikut suka kita. Nak solat cari telekung/pakaian/jaket longgar, dah siap solat, kembali semula dengan pakaian melekap. Hal sebegini yang buat orang keliru tentang ajaran Islam. Kita perlu sentiasa mengamalkan ajaran Islam 100% dan berakhlak mulia so that we can portray the beauty and the truth about Islam. Kalau ada yang tertarik, Insya Allah dengan hidayah yang Allah swt berikan, dia akan cari tentang Islam dalam bahasa yang dia faham. We also have to be very proud, izzah with our 'Islamity' (hihi..pandai-pandai je cipta perkataan!). Tak payah segan jika perlu solat, tak kira di taman atau di shopping complex. Apa yang penting, kita buat semuanya kerana Allah swt.

My conclusion is, we cannot rely solely on languages themselves. Bahasa Melayu/Inggeris/Arab yang mantap belum menjamin the spread of Islam to the other parts of the world that don't use the languages that we master. Our actions speak louder than any languages. Jangan segan mengamalkan Islam walau di mana jua kita berada. Di mana langit dipijak, di situ perintah Allah swt dijunjung. Bak slogan Nike: JUST DO IT.


P/S: I have to take Arabic language course!

Saya dah kembali (' ',) - My reflection of the travel

Assalamu'alaikum wbt...

Alhamdulillah...selamat kembali ke U. Lama betul saya travel. 20 days of non-stop travelling! I won't call a 20 day of travelling as vacation, because I didn't stop walking and walking and walking! Tak pernah dibuat sepanjang hidup saya! Walaupun banyak cabaran dan dugaan yang datang pada saat-saat akhir perjalanan, semuanya dapat ditangani dengan cekal, Alhamdulillah for the strength and perseverance that He has given us.

The journey really made me realised that I have to be really really and very very thankful that I am a Muslim. It also made me realised that I have a big responsibility to spread the teaching of Islam.

Saya amat bersyukur kerana dikurniakan Allah swt rezeki yang cukup untuk pergi ke negara-negara tersebut. Hurm..banyak ilmu yang saya dapat daripada perjalanan saya. Adopt and adapt to the different surroundings tu macam biasa la, rasanya semua orang pun belajar benda ni apabila berkelana.

Rasanya cukup setakat ni dulu. Saya ketandusan idea, huhu....

A.w.a.y.

Assalamu'alaikum...

Just nk inform yg saya akan 'berkelana' hingga 27hb Januari ini. Doakan agar saya sentiasa dilindungi Allah swt setiap masa ya. I am very nervous as I never has been away this long! May He make all things easier for all of us, and hopefully this travel is a beneficial to me, ameen.

Love that has been taken for granted ...

Assalamu'alaikum wbt ...

Wah...dah lama betul tak menulis! Alhamdulillah kali ni dapat jugak meluangkan sedikit masa untuk share something di sini. Been really busy with work and house cleaning. Alhamdullilah, jadual harian dah agak free sekarang... Alhamdulillah.

Sebenarnya banyak benda yang nak dikongsi di sini. Terlalu banyak. Maybe the organization of my writing this time will be a bit hay-wired, but Insya Allah, I try to make my points crystal clear.

Bulan lepas, saya berdiskusi dengan seorang kawan yang merupakan pengikut ajaran Kristian (Protestant) yang taat. Banyak yang kami bincangkan selama lebih kurang 4 jam tu. Apa yang nak dikongsikan di sini bukanlah betapa benarnya ajaran Islam yang kita anuti (sebab kita sudah sedia tahu yang kita di jalan yang benar), tapi betapa intimnya dan dalamnya cinta beliau terhadap Tuhan yang dipercayainya. Kedalaman kasih beliau terhadap Tuhannya membuatkan saya merefleksi diri ini. Saya mempercayai Allah swt. And I know and truly believe that He is the One that we need to serve. Sahabat tersebut membuatkan saya berfikir tentang suatu persoalan:

Sejauh mana saya mencintai Tuhan saya?

Persoalan itu benar-benar menghantui diri ini. Saya tak dapat tidur lena. I kept thinking about it. Saya benar-benar tersentak. Saya sentiasa berdoa agar Allah swt memberi jawapan kepada saya. I found myself in a journey to really find myself again. And alhamdulillah, ketika saya berjalan kaki menuju ke tempat kerja, saya mendapat jawapan kepada soalan tersebut.

All this while, I have taken His love for granted. I am not saying that I am a bad servant of his, it is just that I didn't realize the existence of His love in my life. Saya membandingkan diri saya dengan sahabat itu. Saya sepatutnya rasa lebih daripada apa yang beliau rasa, kerana Tuhan saya adalah yang benar. Memang saya telah berubah ke arah yang lebih baik, cuma, jauh dalam hati saya, saya sedar ada sesuatu yang kurang selepas berdiskusi dengan beliau. LOVE.

Saya yakin semua orang selalu mengatakan Allah sayangkan kita. Kita dapat hidayah kerana kita adalah antara yang terpilih etc etc etc. But above all, it is because He loves us. Saya tahu semua orang selalu dengar ungkapan tersebut, tapi sejauh mana kita benar-benar merasai dalamnya kasih-Nya kepada kita? Sebagai contoh, seseorang Muslim yang telah mendapat hidayah dan mula menyedari hakikat penciptaan dirinya akan mula berubah untuk menjadi hamba yang lebih baik demi mendapat balasan yang baik di sana nanti. Beliau akan mula memperbanyakkan amal ibadat, menambah kebaikan, memperelok cara pemakaian, join usrah, berdakwah, menjadi da'ie dan sebagainya, tetapi, mungkin beliau masih tidak menyedari betapa dalamnya kasih Allah terhadap dirinya. It is not that bad, but it will be much, much and way better if he/she really feels His love in every second that he/she takes.

Kesedaran ini sungguh meresap dalam diri saya. Saya rasa amat malu dan berdosa kerana saya sedar bahawa diri ini tidak mampu untuk membalas cinta dan kasih-Nya. Every breath that I take is because He loves me. Everything that had, has and will happen is because He loves me. Kalau kita terdengar kisah cinta sesorang yang bertepuk sebelah tangan, contohnya kisah seorang isteri yang berkahwin dengan seorang lelaki yang amat baik (hot stuff la konon-kononnya). Sayangnya, si suami, walaupun seorang yang amat bertanggung jawab, tidak mencintai si isteri sebagaimana si isteri mencintai si suami. Si suami lebih mencintai orang lain dan benda lain (kereta/laptop/etc). Kemungkinan besar kita merasa kasihan dengan si isteri. Tapi, dalam kehidupan seharian kita, kita tidak sedar yang kita juga selalu memperlakukan Allah swt sedemikian rupa. Oh no!!!!
Astagfirullah hal'azim (T_T)

To feel His love is, I believe, is the REAL OBLIGATION of every one who thinks he/she is a believer. Kita mesti menyedari dan merasai betapa dalamnya Allah sayang pada kita supaya kita sedar betapa kita selalu alpa untuk menyayangi-Nya setiap saat. As much as our mom loves us Allah swt loves us 1000 times more as He is the One who provides EVERYTHING for us. Tanpa kesedaran, kita tidak akan sedar. Kita tidak akan dapat merasai betapa manisnya cinta Ilahi, betapa nikmatnya bergelar seorang muslim. Dengan kesedaran itu, amal ibadat akan menjadi lebih bermakna kerana niat beribadat bukan lagi untuk mendapat balasan syurga semata-mata, tetapi untuk membalas cinta seorang Pencinta yang paling & sangat agung...

There is something that is too much, but it is priceless.
But sadly, we always take it for granted.

Tak kenal, maka tak cinta.