Tears of The Ultimate Happiness

Happiness is what all humans are looking for in this life. Some look for it in wealth. Some look for it in friendship. Some look for it in relationship. I am no exception. Being a bit unhappy lately, and had had some issues, have made me wondering, where and how can I find the ultimate happiness...

Happiness,
it doesn't lie in a good relationship with humans.
It lies in a strong relationship with Him.
For HIM is the greatest friend,
Who is always be by our side.

He is still by our side even we abandon Him,
He, who always and still gives a hand,
He, who always guides and guards us every second,
helping us in ways we never realize,
showers us with endless love,
even we forget Him,
even we do what He dislikes.
even we say we love Him but we don't really mean it.

Sometimes we cry, hurt by what our friends did,
we cry, cry and cry hard.
We feel a bit relieved after that.
But still, don't we feel that our heart is still unhappy?
Can't we feel the emptiness?
Why are we still unhappy?
Where is the happiness??

Happiness,
it does not lie in wealth,
nor good friendship.
For all of these are temporary.
They will be gone,
when we are gone.

Happiness,
It lies in the tears,
Tears of crying for Him,
crying for His mercy and love.
These tears,
tears of the ultimate happiness,
the utmost tranquillity,
is to be gained,
not given.
Gain it,
and we will be happy,
for beyond eternity.

"Sesungguhnya hari keputusan itu adalah waktu yang dijanjikan bagi mereka semuanya, iaitu hari yang seorang karib tidak dapat memberi manfaat kepda karibnya sedikitpun, dan mereka tidak akan mendapat pertolongan, kecuali orang yang diberi rahmat oleh Allah. Sesungguhnya Dialah Yang Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Penyayang." (Ad-Dukhaan: 40-42)

P/S: Ya Allah, peliharalah kami daripada kejahatan diri kami sendiri...

Don't say you care when you don't .

We always say that we care about our friends. But the reality is, do we really care? Or do we just care or thought of them when we need something from them? Or when we have not seen them joining functions for a long time? Contohnya, nak mintak tolong proofread assignment or beli barang kt ASDA dan bermacam-macam lagi. I am sick of these kind of people.

I am not saying I am such a wonderful person and friend. Tapi, I write this based on my experience. I hate the way they treated me. I did so much to win their hearts and affection, but what I got in return was bad words about me. Back stabbing as some people call it. Syafwah ni la.. tu la.. I tak boleh minum susu lembu pun jadi isu. Sedangkan dengan diorang, I lapang dada je, as I know we are different human beings who can never be the same. Nothing that I do is good enough for them. I always accept the way they are, but they never will accept me as the way I am.

A very close friend of mine always advise me not to think of them too much. But I am a girl with a very sensitive heart which makes me always think of they treatment towards me. Walau telah lama berlalu, kadang-kadang kalau teringat, mesti nak nangis..huuu...

For me, kalau nak berkawan biarlah ikhlas. Terima kawan tu seadanya and care for them with all your heart. I am thankful for now I have met real friends, and one of them will stay by my side always. If only I have met you earlier...

We are not real friends if what makes me cry will make you cry too. To them, you are forgiven, but this hurt that you have caused can't never be forgotten.

Tagged, I Have Been. (special credit to Hani Iryani bt Adnan)

Rules::-

* Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
* Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Haiyoo... amende alah la tag-tag ni.. I thought of clothing tag when I first heard of this tagging thing. How technology has enriched the meaning of normal words. Nak share ape pun tak tau..nothing is interesting about me, I guess.
Anyway, here are 7 facts about this girl named Nurul Syafwah binti Raduan, borned 5th March 1986.

1. I may look 'tough' from the outside, but inside, I am very sensitive. Senang sangat nak nangis kalau sedih. When I knew my beloved youngest brother got cancer, I cried the whole time, resulting in a week of high fever. And this sensitive heart of mine can be hurt easily. My best mates know this fact very well..hehehe ;p It hurts easily, but it mends quite easily too. All I need from the person who don't mean to hurt me is a simple apology, and it is over, and I can smile again. *peace* :)

2. I just love baking and cooking. I started baking when I was still small, because my mom said I was always playing in the kitchen. Having a weeping and problematic brother who cried at all times and took my toys, making me always playing alone in the kitchen. Poor little sister. My mom said, pernah satu hari, diorang risau I diam je, tak tau kat mana, rupa-rupanya doh tumbuk ikan bilis dalam lesung batu. I was one year ++ at that time. And I still remember till today, I was baking cookies (I was 12) when my now-soon-to-be-mother-in-law walked in the kitchen and said: Wah, rajin si Nurul ni! Boleh buat menantu, utk si Eddy (my fiance's elder brother). And same with Hani, I will resort to these activities whenever I am feeling down and tensed up, I will go to the kitchen and make something edible from my kitchen cabinets and fridge. The best part is, I don't eat what I have cooked, instead, I give to my friends. Strange as it is, I like to eat shop-bought cakes although I know how to bake them. But hey dear friends, this is a fact that is not to be manipulated! (eg. make Syafwah emo, and she will cook or bake something for us!)

3. Riding bicycle is a HUGE trauma for me. This happened in the year 2005 or 2006 when all of B.Ed TESL students in IPBA went for a field trip to Putrajaya. Kan most of us naik beskal tu, and unlucky me, lost control of my bike when going down a hill...and....bump!!! Bump into a huge bricked lamp post and thrown out from the bike into the bushes. OUCH!! Sakit tau..dah la jatuh sorang2. . Bruised all over my right shoulder and hip, scratches and sprained on my legs. Naseb tak lama lepas tu ade abg-abg yg jage tempat tu ronda naek motosikal, so they help me. I got a week m/c for this as I can't walk properly. Cycling? Never again, except yang ada roda 4, ehehehe xD (So Warid and Hazriq, don't mention of cycling to IPBA from Kerinchi, ok?)

4. I always get hurt in friendship. Over the years, I always end up with people who don't apprieciate me, people who always take me for granted, people who can't accept me as I am and back-stabbed me. I ni bukanlah kawan yang perfect, but I can truthfully say that I always try my best to help and make them happy because I love my friends. But to those people, ape yang I buat mesti tak kena. I have done so much for them, but all I got in return is hurt (time tulis ni pun rasa sedey)... That is why most of the times, I prefer pets that human beings (oh and until now, I have dreams and nightmares of my hamsters!). To those people yang buat I macam ni and read this, sorry to say, from now on, you bear no significant in my life, not for now, and not for ever, until time heals this wound.

5. Okay, honestly, I have no idea on what to say about me. Erm..I am quite straight-forward, a fact that can't be changed. I am sorry to those I have hurt without intention. Tapi kalau dah biasa, tak de la bisa sangat, hehehe...ade je org yg lagi straight-forward from me. But, again, sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.

6. I have been in love with the same man for almost 10 years now. More details? Later.

7. The fact: I am engaged. Soon to be married with the same man end of this year, Insya Allah.

Well, those are some facts about me. More are indescribable.
I don't have any idea who to tag. I tag only two for the time being. The lucky people are:

1. Nadeera
2. Gunalan

That is all for now. Got to re-write the revised Chapter 1. Good luck to me, and you too. xx

A Fact of Life.

we are different in our own ways,
it makes us unique,
distinguished,
just special.

celebrate,
enjoy,
appreciate and
accept,
our uniqueness.
be thankful for this,
as it makes our life richer,
more lively.

so please,
please, please stop.
stop judging.
just stop.
just stop judging.
stop it.

DC from my DC

Tinggal lagi dua hari untuk hantar first draft of my first chapter to Katy. But, hell, I am struggling with my health and writing the first thousand words. My head hurts after a few hours in front of the screen. Cubaan yang hebat. Panadol is my next top friend now.

Anyway, I am thinking of writing about a story of how a girl met a boy. This is the opening song for the story. I love the song. It is just the truth about love.

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

A Tribute to Cats

I love animals, especially furry ones. When my parents and I went to Roadwalk in Penang, I fell in love with a pair of rabbits, but my parents won't hear me! I left Penang that day with a broken heart..

Actually I wanted to be a vet. Tapi abang cakap something yang buat hati ni terus tak lalu nak jadi vet. Dia cakap: Buat pe jadi vet, bukannya membantu pembangunan negara! There you go..and I am a few years to become a teacher, building a nation that hopefully will build the country.

Cats and I are quite identical. The prove is, somebody even said my eyes are like cat eyes! Anyway, here are some pictures of cats that I have met and touched.

Ni Bella, seekor kucing kacukan Parsi & kampung. Kucing kawan ibu. Gemuk. Gues what he is eating in this picture. Durian!! Yes, durian! Kita selalu dengar cerita kucing makan durian, and now it really happens in front of my eyes. Syok betul dia makan durian tu...sampai dua ulas! Me myself don't really eat durian, this cat beats me!

Ni pulak Boy, anak kucing yang umurnya tak sampai sebulan. I was busy cupcaking as it was only two more days until kenduri tahlil and my engagement reception. Having a pair of leech ears (telinga lintah), I heard this poor cat meowing. At first, mcm malas nak ambik kisah, but then I know I won't be able to sleep until I found this kitten. So berbekalkan sebilah pisau lipat, I pun keluar rumah walaupun berseorangan dan jam dah menunjukkan pukul 2.30 pagi. Lepas 5 minit jalan, baru nampak dia kat tepi jalan. Cepat-cepat I pegi kat dia, tapi dia garang sangat! Tak bagi pegang dier. Jadi I pun guna pisau (nak elak dier cakar and gigit tangan) tu utk gosok leher dier and he calmed down. Now, he is healthy and happy living with my mom. Dulu tak mau minum susu, sekarang dah pandai minta susu. He likes to play with tudung saji and chasing people's walking legs. I miss him.

She is Kitty. My cousin's cat. Although she is very gorgeous, I don't like her. She is very sombong. She scratched my hands. She is not friendly at all. I just hope she will change one day.

This is a well-known cat to all Marjonians: Beethovan. I like him. Pengubat rindu kat kucing-kucing Malaysia. Fat and monopolizing. Loves to chase his own tail and an attention seeker. He doesn't like it when you are doing your work, leaving him alone. He loves being with us instead of with his rightfully owner. Poor his owner. I will definately be thinking of him when I am back in Malaysia.

People sometimes question animal lovers, why they can give so much love and affection to animals compared to humans. Well..sorry to say, sometimes, and most of the times, cats are so much better friends than humans.

I am Back!!!

Time passes quickly that we barely realised how much time we have actually wasted. As for me, I don't really want to admit that I wasted my summer vacation doing nothing. I wasted some time, but most of the time I spend it with my mom and preparing for my incoming wedding.

The journey to Malaysia was a tough one. Flight got cancelled and delayed, stranded alone...It took me almost four days to land in KLIA! Boy it taught me a lot about live and being thankful. The survival in this world. The persons who matter most, and to whom you matter most. Thank you Lord, for this invaluable lesson.

Being in Malaysia was lovely. Being with your family members, enjoying the flavours of Malaysia (I loveee char kue tiaw in Penang) and eating my favourite fruit: Mangosteen. Sedap nyerr... Tak teringat langsung kt beri-beri England, nothing beats tropikal fruits! Mangga, manggis, rambutan, durian, jambu batu, jambu air, buah naga....yummy!

Cerita politilk pulak...menyampah. Sumpah sana, sumpah sini. Me, who doesn't like politic can't even stand the political issues. I just hope things will get better in time. Tapi nanti jadi cikgu pun tak boleh terlibat dengan politik. Bagus jugak, kalau tak, pening kepala. Institusi agama di Malaysia pun dah tercalar dek politik. Hampeh.

Lari dari politik. I want to share an experience. It was second, or maybe third of Ramadan. My mom and I on the way to Econsave. That day was quite sunny. While waiting for the traffic lights to turn green, I looked at the car next to us. Ada tiga orang remaja. At first I thought budak cina, or maybe Bumi yg bukan Islam. Yela..sedap je diorang makan what looked like kerepek to me. But then, I looked more carefully. Kat cermin utk tengok blkg tu (can't remember what it is called) tergantung hiasan tulisan ayat-ayat Quran. So I told my mum, I asked her to look. The teenagers, realised we were looking at them, tried to hide the accessory. Trying to hide the fact that they are Muslims and they should be fasting. Perasaan malu dan sedih membuak-buak. Even until today, I can't forget that incident. Kalau ye pun yang perempuan-perempuan tu tak puasa, tak payah la makan dengan bangga sambil menyuap si lelaki di sebelah. And for the rest of the journey, I had to bear with my mum's nag.

Now, I am back in Plymouth. Barely see sun shining brightly. I am still recovering from flu and cough. Surviving to do my dissertation which I haven't started yet. Surviving to heal the old wounds and to open new beginnings...